When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we should paint friendship bongs
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