I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
