Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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