we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
