Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
