All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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