when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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