I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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