The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
