i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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