i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
