The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
