Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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