how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
