she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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