Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i drank out of a bidet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
