she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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