i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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