Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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