Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
