You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
