dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
