im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
