Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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