I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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