i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
not ubering you a puppy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
