I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
