the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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