We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
