i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
