I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
