How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
