I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
