in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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