OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
