Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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