So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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