when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
