I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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