mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so let's talk penis.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
