I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
