How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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