Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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