I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
