Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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