Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
