dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
