I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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