i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
