It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
