put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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