Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
