he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
