I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
