I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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