Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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