My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
